6 Harsh Truths About Placements At B-Schools In India

 

Lier, 400/400+, while 'articulating' resume; xyz school/organization, 20xx.

If you are wondering what kind of language is this, then you still haven't made a standardised, boring, ugly-looking resume, which is filled with lies and exaggerations (So innocent you are, but wait, this place will eat your innocence for breakfast). Whichever b-school you go to, making a resume (in the standard format prescribed by your placecomm) is something that you can't avoid. But these resumes will be filled with lies, cook-ups, and exaggerations. A small win in a swimming competition (in which, only 2 other people had participated with you) suddenly becomes a gold medal at inter-college swimming Olympics. Your resume suddenly starts shouting that you had increased the revenue of your former company by millions (despite being a simple software tester). Plus, the mad rush to fill the resume makes you participate in any competitions you can hear about or volunteer for any every event that happens in your college.

No wonder, these b-schools create bestseller writers!

 

Ghosts from the past will (still) haunt you!

So what if you were ill during your 12th exam and couldn't score 90%. Or you took a drop to start something of your own? Companies don't care about that stupid illness and failed startup of yours. They will use your percentages in 10th, 12th and graduation to see if you are worthy of a shortlist. And any academic gap and you are doomed.

Bdw, you made a big mistake by taking engineering, cause companies prefer 'diverse' candidates. Also, if you are not from IIT or SRCC, those triple 9s in your resume can't save you. They are just worthless.

 

Want a good shortlist? Lick.

Yes, you gotta lick. If you are interested in getting a shortlist from a company, go to the seniors who interned in those companies and lick. Remember their birthdays. Praise them for their (non-existent) qualities. Help them to organise parties. Buy them liquor and do anything that you can to please them. You'd expect talent to be the only criterion for getting a shortlist, but it's something that everyone has here. Past interns play a major role in getting a shortlist from companies and people leave no stone unturned in licking the feet of these people. Believe it or not, but 'consulting' and 'finlicking' are real.

 

Entire batch placed in 2 days? BS.

Oh yes, this is one of the most prominent myths. It's impossible to place 350+ students in just a couple of days. There are multiple pre-rounds that take place several weeks before the actual placement process starts. Also, the no. of days that are told to the press are completely unrealistic and false. These b-schools have multiple cohorts, multiple day-0s, day-1s and day -1s too. Then there is a GD day, a consulting day, a bank day and what not. The entire process takes anything from 5 days to a couple of weeks.

 

 Everyone get's placed! But not where they want to.

 Yup, you don't get what you desire. It's all in the hands of the situation, companies, and placecomm too. People who want to consult get placed in banks. Wannabe investment bankers sell soaps in their summers. Plus, placecomm wants you to get placed as quickly as you can, so you are sent to the company which can take you, and not the company which you would like to go to.

And don't go for those rosy avg salaries. There are people on both the sides of the spectrum and some at the extremes too. A few people get several lacs for a month, but some have to settle for 10-20k as well.

 

Be my friend, but after the placements! 

Friendship is something which is the biggest casualty in this highly competitive process. Students prefer to form study groups with the people who have high chances of getting shortlists. Nobody shares their prep material or strategy. They free-ride on projects and assignments, yet are the first ones to take the credit for the same. You are judged on the basis of no. of shortlists that you get; and if you are the poor soul who hasn't got any, then you'll be neglected by the most of the people. Competition is not only fierce but dirty too. This is a dog-eat-dog game, and everyone is a labrador here.

While this process is flawed and has thousands of shortcomings, one important outcome of this process is: you see the true nature of the people surrounded by you. This is the only time when they drop their masks and show you their real face. And you realise who is your true friend, and who is an imposter.

Maybe I have told you a bit too much about the process, but yes, this is all real. If you want to join a b-school just for the sake of a good placement, think twice!