I am Ranvijay, currently pursuing Marketing at a top business school and today I had a mental breakdown. There was no particular reason why. It was just like any other day- video lectures, committee interviews, CV preparations, surprise quiz but my enthusiasm was lacking.
I was feeling lost. I was questioning myself; do I really have the merit or I got into this amazing place by sheer luck? Do I belong here? How are others figuring their way out so effortlessly and I still haven’t discovered the secret ingredient?
I pull all-nighters just like anyone else, I pay attention in classes, I sign up for events and take initiative but somehow it doesn’t seem to fit.
I pondered aimlessly when it finally struck me why today, more than any other day I felt so hopeless. A friend of mine who had a similar background and similar experience got selected as a head in a committee, I was happy for him but I also wished for things to work out for me. My mind was playing games, convincing me that this was the end of the world and that no other opportunities are left. I was busy sulking, demotivating myself, almost giving up all aspirations I had, caught in this endless loop. Scrolling through random feeds, I came across a quote “There is only success and feedback- No failures.”
Reaching Out
I rang up a senior to share my thoughts and apprehensions, low-key seeking some validation that this feeling was normal. She said “I think the most important lesson that I learned was to stay in my own lane. During MBA or any other course for that matter, it’s so easy to get swept up in what everyone else is doing, you get so busy trying to avoid FOMO that you find yourself doing things that you might not want to, just because you feel like you should. This may manifest itself in several ways, from recruiting in a certain industry or with certain companies that aren’t a good fit, to going out for parties when you really want to just stay in. I have been through what you are facing.”
My batchmates discussed on social media groups, “There are so many events to attend, people to meet, and clubs to join – it will be a challenge to soak it all in and prioritize what’s important to us. Inevitably there will be things you’d wish you’d done differently.”
The Realisation
I could see how everyone was on the same boat, having the same fears and insecurities. I was surprised to see that to almost all of us, the grass looked greener on the other side. Knowing that I was not alone in this did make me feel a tad bit better but that was not a solution.
Our professor says, “If success comes easy to you, you are playing in the wrong field”.
One thing was certain, I would not be able to do every single thing that comes up, I would have to pick and choose, I would have to manage my time better and balance my priorities.
I came to terms with the fact that what I was feeling was normal and to some extent justified because everything was so over-whelming. I confronted myself, picked myself up and charted my priorities according to my strengths and interests. I acknowledged the fact that everyone will be good at something or the other which is why they are here, in the same way even I am equally good because I am here too.
A few reminders for my peers-
· It is okay to feel low, things not working out the way you had planned is part of life. Do not let that make you question your ability.
· There is a reason you are where you are, look back and reflect on what you have done so far, it is only the beginning.
· Do not judge your success in comparison to others, look at where you were and where you are now, if there is progress it is enough.
· Refrain from taking up too many things at a time, make yourself a doable list and try to achieve it sincerely.
· Reach out to seniors, batchmates, professors before sinking. Avoid pessimistic thoughts you have your whole life ahead of you.
· Only you decide your worth, do not let one failed attempt or one insensitive remark bring in self-doubt.
· Only hard work is the true measure of your success, if you are convinced you gave your best that is enough.
· Do not rush after everything, be selective. Before signing up ask yourself are you genuinely interested or is it just FOMO driving you.
· How well you utilize your time, how well you prioritize your actions and how well you condition your mind would determine the outcome your MBA and in one way, your life.
All the best!! May we all make the best of our journey.
-Shakshi Sodhani (PGDM, SPJIMR 2020-2022)
Mail id- shakshi.sodhani@gmail.com
Official id- pgp20.shakshi@spjimr.org
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